


negotiations

by kennys



Category: South Park
Genre: F/M, M/M, Stick of Truth AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-04
Updated: 2018-10-04
Packaged: 2019-07-25 08:27:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16193807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kennys/pseuds/kennys
Summary: “It’s quite simple," Kenny explains. "The Wizard and the Elf King are in love - they just don’t know it yet. We just have to help them realize it.





	negotiations

Kenny sighs, somewhat fondly but mostly frustrated. “Butters, Butters. My sweet, clueless Paladin. What don’t you understand?”

 

Leo looks hesitant. “Well. Everything Your Majesty.”

 

Kenny laughs and throws herself onto her throne with a grin, kicks off those wretched high heels and lets her little rat friends out of her pocket to scurry across her lap. “It’s quite simple. The Wizard and the Elf King are in love - they just don’t know it yet. We just have to help them realize it. Even during all those months they spent at one another's throats, I do think they were in love. If my most prominent and powerful advisor is married to the Elf King, our two kingdoms will come together as one. Our armies will be one, our people will be one. I’ll be the most powerful woman in the realm.” She pauses and coyly adds, “not to mention, all the opportunities I’ll have to bed Sir Marshwalker should our kingdoms become one. Have you seen that man Leo?”

 

Leo mutters something vaguely alluding to Sir Marshwalker not being that good looking but Kenny barely listens. She’s already putting together the first steps of her master plan. She can’t help but smirk as she imagines the plan unfolding, seeing the results come about before her.

 

This is going to be perfect.

 

——

 

The day of the Winter Solstice is fast approaching, and Kenny has already pinned down her plans to the last detail. It’ll be the first celebration of the Elfin holiday that takes place during a time of peace between the two kingdoms, and her presence in the King’s court is mandatory, as is the attendance of her court. Leo, ever the optimist is excited at the prospect of traveling, as are Karen and her wife but both make more of an effort to hide it. Cartman however looks annoyed at the very suggestion.

 

“It’s a stupid celebration,” he snaps, “and goddamn Kyle will be more unbearable than usual.” At the mention of Kyle’s name, the potion Cartman is fiddling around with turns a pleasant green and bubbles slightly. Kenny smiles to herself but doesn’t comment.

 

“It’s not a stupid celebration,” she tells him sternly, “it’s one that’s very sacred and dear to the elves and we’d be remised in our duties as peacemakers if we didn’t join in their festivities.” She pauses and adds slyly, “besides. I thought you two were finally starting to get along.”

 

Cartman looks alarmed. “What makes you say that?” he asks, a little too quickly.

 

Kenny holds up her hands in defense. “I couldn't help but notice you two last month. I was present for nearly the full day of talks. You two weren’t at each other’s throats for once. As a matter of fact, you seemed almost friendly with one another.”

 

“Oh,” says Cartman, considerably more relaxed. He clears his throat. “Well I suppose I’ll go. For the sake of peace, I mean. Obviously.”

 

“Obviously,” she agrees and takes care not to let him see her smile as she exits his potions room.

 

They arrive the day before the celebration and Kyle looks pleased to see her as she makes her way through the Elvish courtroom, especially given her effort to adorn traditional Elvish garb and (with Leo’s help) twist her hair into a more Elfin style. However, he frowns when he sees Cartman, still in his robes and hat.

 

“Did your advisor have to dress so human?” he mutters to Kenny through gritted teeth as he embraces her.

 

Kenny laughs. Of course that would be the first thing he’d say to her. “Pay him no heed. He insists that he needs his robes for warmth.” His actual insistence had been a lot ruder than that, but Kenny figures one little white lie won’t matter in the face of true love. Kyle nods tight lipped and moves to greet Karen and Tricia, his gaze still constantly flickering to Cartman.

 

Kenny takes advantage of Kyle’s distracted state to sneak a glance at his favoured Knight, standing at the throne, monitoring their entourage impassively. Kenny grins and blows him a kiss, and although Stan’s expression remains unreadable she can swear she sees a rise of pink in his cheeks.

 

Kyle directs them to the dining room, where their party is joined by his younger brother, Ike, who has a traditionally Elfin look about him, despite his northern origins. Kenny winks at Leo before taking her seat to the right of Kyle who sits at the head of the table, Cartman directly on her left. She can hear Leo cough nervously. Out of the corner of her eye, she can see Karen and Tricia catch each other’s eye, each of them seemingly aware she has ulterior motives.

 

“So Your Majesty,” she says lightly, twirling her spoon between her fingers, “how did your most recent negotiations go?”

 

Kyle clears his throat. “I’m sure your advisor informed you, Your Majesty,” he says stiffly. “They were satisfactory.”

 

Cartman snorts. “Well, that’s fucking bullshit.”

 

Kenny tenses. Not exactly how she was hoping the conversation would evolve.

 

Kyle glowers across the table. “Excuse me?”

 

Behind him, Stan rests a cautionary hand on his King’s shoulder, a glare of pure hatred directed towards Cartman.

 

“You heard me,” Cartman snaps. “They were the furthest thing from satisfactory. If you weren’t such a stubborn ass who refuses to budge on the very reasonable border I presented - “

 

“Reasonable?” Kyle repeats, with the kind of laugh that isn’t used so much when something is truly funny. “If that’s your idea of reasonable, it’s no wonder our war with you idiotic humans waged for so many years.” The way he spits the word humans is reminiscent of the legendary Elfin general who led scores of Elves to victories over human armies, not the diplomatic king Kenny has grown to know in more recent months.

 

Cartman looks furious and before Kenny can stop him, he’s raising his wrist and with a simple flick sends a wave of sheer power and force in Kyle’s direction.

 

“Cartman, no!” Kenny yells angrily, and tries to knock Cartman’s hand aside. She succeeds. Sort of. The gust intended to whack against Kyle veers upwards and to the left, hitting Stan squarely in the chest, flinging him across the room.”

 

“Stan!” Kyle cries and runs towards his Knight. Kenny is immediately fearful, seeing Stan’s slumped form and closed eyes but Kyle’s choked cry of relief alleviates her worries ever so slightly. “He’s unconscious,” Kyle says, his voice muffled. “I - I must take him to the infirmary.” He hoists Stan against his side, supporting Stan’s weight against his own. Ike rises to help him.

 

“Stay Ike,” Kyle orders fiercely. “See That our guests are dined and await my return. I’ll decide what must be done.” He turns to catch Kenny’s eye before he leaves, but when he speaks, she gets the distinct feeling he’s speaking to Cartman. “This isn’t over.”

 

Kenny feels a swirl of emotions inside her. Worry for Stan, dread of Kyle's return and nothing short of confusion surrounding Kyle and Cartman's treatment of one another. The last time she saw the two together they had been unquestionably friendly, discussing the future of their two kingdoms gladly with one another. In the short half hour since she had left the two alone together, had their relationship really become so fraught? True Kyle had seemed somewhat distant, Cartman somewhat irritated when their human party had left the Elf Kingdom, but she had chalked that up to tiredness after a long day of negotiations. 

 

The room sinks into a heavy sort of silent, save for Leo’s frightened whimpers and Cartman’s heavy breathing.

 

Ike breaks the silence with the grimmest of chuckles. “Well. I think you lot may have just instigated another war.”

**Author's Note:**

> well i guess im officially a kyman shipper now too lol anyway i love feedback loads <3


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